LevensLangLeren - Learn All Your Life

Did you ever think that English was an easy language? Well, think again. Just read the following out loud, and marvel at how one letter can sound so different depending on the meaning in a sentence.

The Chaos

by G. Nolst Trenite’ a.k.a. “Charivarius” 1870 - 1946

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye your dress you’ll tear,
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.
Exiles, similes, reviles.
Wholly, holly, signal, signing.
Thames, examining, combining
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war, and far.
From “desire": desirable–admirable from “admire.”
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier.
Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.
Knowledge, done, but gone and tone,
One, anemone. Balmoral.
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,
Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.
Scene, Melpomene, mankind,
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which is said to rime with “darky.”
Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s O.K.,
When you say correctly: croquet.
Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive, and live,
Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven,
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover,
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police, and lice.
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label,
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.
Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,
Rime with “shirk it” and “beyond it.”
But it is not hard to tell,
Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,
Ivy, privy, famous, clamour
And enamour rime with hammer.
Pussy, hussy, and possess,
Desert, but dessert, address.
Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.
Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rime with anger.
Neither does devour with clangour.
Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.
Font, front, won’t, want, grand, and grant.
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.
And then: singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.
Query does not rime with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;
Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual.
Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;
Put, nut; granite, and unite.
Reefer does not rime with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific,
Tour, but our and succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria,
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.
Say aver, but ever, fever.
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess–it is not safe:
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.
Heron, granary, canary,
Crevice and device, and eyrie,
Face but preface, but efface,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,
Ear but earn, and wear and bear
Do not rime with here, but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation–think of psyche–!
Is a paling, stout and spikey,
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing “groats” and saying “grits"?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel,
Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict, and indict!
Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally: which rimes with “enough”
Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?
Hiccough has the sound of “cup.”
My advice is–give it up!

“You can’t polish a turd”

Meaning : A turd is a shit for those of you who don’t know. The
meaning is that you can’t make something great from a shitty base product.

Sometimes it can be difficult for simple men to understand what women really mean when they are talking to us. Especially for those simple men we have a simple guide to what women really mean and want.

1.FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a
woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2.FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s
an even trade.

3.NOTHING
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually
signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”

4.GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
“Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”

5.GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You
will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed
by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five
Minutes” when she cools off.

6.LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you over “Nothing”

7.SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that
she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will
stay content.

8. THAT’S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to
a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s
Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a
“Raised Eyebrow.”

9. GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty
big trouble.

10. PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”

11.THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you’re welcome.

12.THANKS A LOT
This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot”
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud
Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as
she will only tell you “Nothing”

There is a new blog in town: BeBlogger.

An English-language about how life was, is and should be. A personal look into the life of a all-round guy who wants to share his inner thoughts with you. Sometimes exciting, sometimes sentimental but always very personal. Take a look at it if you want, and leave a message

dui niu tan qin

Translation : playing the guitar/some stringed instrument to a cow

Meaning : a cow cannot understand/appreciate the music being played, or a person who is stubborn will not listen to reason